My daughter Chelsea recently posted a picture on Instagram of me speaking at Cedarville University and her caption read,“When I was younger I didn't always like being a pastor's kid, but today I couldn't have been prouder of my dad for sharing God's word and his heart for missions.”
Her words meant the world to me, because our journey as a family was far from perfect.
We went into missions in the late 90s, and it felt like there was a lot on the line — after all, people were sacrificing for us to pursue our calling. I was overzealous and insecure while I tried to find my feet as a missionary, church planter, and pastor. We quickly discovered that a church is a 24-hour operation, and I became more and more overwhelmed as our newly formed church grew.
Along with everything else was the important role of being a husband and a father to our four daughters. Missionaries are known for telling the positive sides of life on the mission field, but those early years weren’t easy for us as family. There were many struggles that never made it to our prayer letters. Our girls were adjusting to living in South Africa, away from everything familiar, and we were all adjusting to life in the ministry “fishbowl” where all is observed and often judged.
It was overwhelming, and truth be known, I didn't handle it too well. I made mistakes. I didn’t neglectmy family, but there were many times when they got my wimpy leftovers. I know that the past can never be redone, but if I could, here are the top 10 things I would have done differently:
- Forgiven more freely.
- Played more and worked less.
- Paid attention to the little things. They do matter.
- Been more transparent about my weaknesses.
- Stopped trying to make everyone happy and like me.
- Laughed a lot more — at my blunders and myself.
- Learned how to use the out-of-office email reply.
- Spent more time working on the inside of me and less on the outside.
- Told my girls “I don’t have time” less and made them the priority
- Shared more about ministry life with our girls. They are brilliant, incredibly perceptive, and would have understood and prayed for me.
I was far from a perfect father, but it is a reminder
of how perfect our Father is. We cannot undo or redo
the past, but we can allow our mistakes to help us real-
ize how grateful we are for God’s grace. It is through
His grace that my wife and I have four beautiful grown
daughters who are passionate about God and sharing
His grace.